It’s April which means…

It’s Sexual Assault Awareness Month! There are lots of great events going on throughout the month at UNC, Duke, and in the community. Going to these events can be a great way to learn more about sexual assault, support survivors, and help make Carolina a safer community. Here are some highlights of the month:
Till Friday—Alliance Against Violence in the Pit
Have you walked around campus lately and seen everyone sporting awesome teal shirts? You definitely don’t want to be left out! Co-sponsored by Project Dinah and the Carolina Women’s Center, this week-long event seeks to educate UNC about the prevalence of interpersonal violence and provide resources. They are giving out 3,000 free shirts to be worn on Friday as a visible representation of UNC’s alliance against interpersonal violence.
Tonight, April 9th: Walk a Mile in Her Shoes (Old Well, 6 pm)
Sigma Phi and Kappa Kappa Gamma are hosting a one-mile march with all proceeds going to the Orange County Rape Crisis Center. They will also host a dialogue about how people can be allies in preventing sexual assault. It’s a great way to get some exercise for an important cause!
Friday April 10th: Campus Connections: Bringing Together the Sexual Assault Response and Support Community at Carolina (Campus Y Anne Queen Lounge, 2-4pm)
Come meet the staff that supports students who have experienced forms of interpersonal violence for coffee, refreshments, and conversation!
Friday, April 10: Project Dinah Benefit Concert for OCRCC (Local 506, 10pm)
Come join Project Dinah for a benefit concert for $5. All proceeds go to the Orange County Rape Crisis Center!
Wednesday, April 5: Coffee Conversation on Consent (Campus Y Anne Queen Lounge, 5-6:30pm)
The Carolina Women’s Center & UNC Men’s Project are hosting a discussion (with coffee and refreshments!) about consent.
Monday, April 20: Screening of The Mask You Live In. Mary Lou Williams Center for Black Culture at Duke University, 6pm.
This documentary explores how boys are socialized to become men in America. Afterwards there will be a panel discussion featuring local activists. Don’t have a car? No worries–you can take the Roberson bus there!
Wednesday, April 22: Campus Conversation on Creating Allies Against Sexual Violence: Creating a Culture of Healthy Masculinities within the Greek Community (St. Anthony Hall, 207 Pittsboro St., 7-9pm)
St. Anthony Hall is hosting a campus conversation about Greek culture, being an ally, and healthy masculinities to empower everyone in the Carolina community to help change cultures of violence
Monday, April 27: How to Help a Loved One (Chapel Hill Public Library, 6-8pm)
Ever not known how to respond when someone tells you that they have experienced sexual assault? This seminar provides tips and resources to be a supporter.
Hope to see you at some of these events! Check out the whole SAAM schedule here.

How many of our readers are Pretty Little Liars fans? The season finale aired last Tuesday, and we finally (sort of) know who “A” is!
But really, we’ve always known something about “A”—Pretty Little Liars is a show about stalking and “A” has been stalking the girls from the beginning of the show. As an audience, we see a lot of behaviors that if we were friends with any of the four main characters, would be red flags for stalking behavior. Some of these include:
- Being followed
- Being excessively contacted, such as “A” texting the girls frequently when it is clear the girls do not want the texts
- Threatening someone or that person’s family, friends, or pets
- Receiving unwanted gifts and letters
- Being stared at/feeling like you’re being watched
- Damaging someone’s property (remember that time when “A” drove a car through Emily’s family room?)
Stalking is repeated and unwanted attention that can be through physical, verbal, and/or electronic contact. Stalking creates a hostile, intimidating, and abusive environment that can cause physical, emotional, and psychological fear, and it is against the UNC Policy on Prohibited Discrimination, Harassment and Related Misconduct Including Sexual and Gender-Based Harassment, Sexual Violence, Interpersonal Violence and Stalking.
As a viewer of Pretty Little Liars, I think often about how characters could be active bystanders and help the girls. There are a lot of things to observe that are red flags that something is off. Here are some signs to look for in someone who might be being stalked:
- Anxiety
- Missing classes and activities
- Deactivating social media
- Changing phone number and/or email address
- Ignoring persistent texts or calls
- Changing their routes
- Avoiding places
- Not wanting to go out (or wanting to, but not)
With stalking, the majority of cases involve someone the victim is dating or has previously had a relationship with (such as Ezra stalking the girls—but don’t get me started on Ezra dating his underage student, that is a whole other blog post!). A stalker could be anyone, though with most cases it’s someone known to the victim. Stalking is about the desire to control and/or manipulate a person. While stalking is scary, there are definitely things people can do! Especially as a friend noticing these behaviors, you can be an active bystander to help your friend. Here are some ideas:
- Encourage your friend to save and document everything in case they choose to report. This can involve creating a journal and writing down each incident, the date and time it happened, and if any witnesses were present. You can encourage your friend to do this even if they aren’t sure they want to report. Just imagine what could have happened if Hanna had taken screenshots of all the texts from “A” so when “A” erased her phone when she went to report to the police, she would have had evidence!
- Ask for help—check out the Safe@UNC website for more information about different resources on campus.
- Let your friend know what you are seeing and that you care about their safety. This could be something like “I’ve noticed you’ve been screening a lot of your texts lately and seem a bit on edge when we go to Lenoir. I’m here if you want to talk about anything.”
- Help them create a safety plan, such as offering to walk with them or plan what to do if they run into the person.
- For reporting purposes, offer to help them figure out how to tell the stalker that they do not wish to receive any further communication. They only have to do this once, and it does not have to be in person—having documentation (such as a text or email) can be important if your friend does want to report.
As we see from Pretty Little Liars, stalking is incredibly scary and can cause extreme fear, anxiety, and stress. While stalking can make people feel out of control, there are things people can do to prevent stalking and help someone who is being stalked. Want to learn more about how you can be an active bystander and help make our campus safer and more supportive? Learn more about One Act and sign up for our last training of the year on April 10th! To learn more about stalking and reporting options, check out safe.unc.edu
When you think about how you can help prevent sexual or interpersonal violence, what comes to mind? Learning how to be an active bystander through workshops or trainings like One Act? Keeping your friends safe when partying or socializing? Joining a student organization like Project Dinah? These are all great ways to get involved in violence prevention and make our campus a safer place for everyone!
There is not just one way to get involved or prevent violence, because violence operates on a continuum of different levels, ranging from overt acts to participation in a culture that accepts or normalizes those acts. For example, public health professional Lydia Guy conceptualizes violence as a continuum of overlapping circles, ranging from actions complicit in systems of oppression (like racism, sexism, heterosexism, classism, or ableism) to less frequent, more overt acts of violence that most would agree should be treated as violent crimes. The actions toward the “more frequent” end of the spectrum (for example, catcalling or telling racist “jokes”) hold systems in place that make it possible for the “less frequent” violence (sexual assault, rape, or murder) to happen.
Making our campus safe can start with considering how our everyday language and conversations shape the overall culture that allows or deters violence on our campus. Most examples of language that contribute to violent culture happen frequently and are less noticeable. These ways of communicating not only reflect the culture we live in, but also shape the ways we know how to describe and react to potential situations of violence.

“Languages” by Chris JL, Flickr Creative Commons
Examples of this kind of language may include:
- Trivializing assault or other interpersonal violence, such as casually or jokingly using the terms “rape” or “stalking” (“That test raped me” or “I was totally Facebook stalking you earlier”)
- Language that contributes to the marginalization of a particular group, such as telling racist, classist, or homophobic jokes, using male-based generics (like “all men are created equal”), or other microaggressions (for example, assuming that everyone you meet is heterosexual when you ask about their dating life)
- Language that contributes to the silencing or invalidation of victims/survivors of violence, such as victim-blaming or shaming people for their sexual history, choice, or expression (“what a slut”)
- Language that conflates sexual and violent imagery, like saying “I hit that,” or someone got “banged” or “screwed,” that normalize the combination of violence and sexuality
- Language that propagates the myth that men are unable to control their sexual urges (“boys will be boys”)—this is not only insulting to men, but can also perpetuate the permissibility of acting on these urges, without regard to the consent of sexual partners.
The good news is that we can also use language to help prevent violence – starting today! Here are some ways you can help change culture and make sure people know our campus is a place that does not tolerate violence of any kind.
- Be purposeful with your words. Being conscious of the history and meanings of the words can be extremely powerful. It can be helpful to think about whether language choices make light of violence, shame survivors of violence, or contribute to the marginalization of certain groups of people. Make the decision as often as possible to avoid language that contributes to violent and/or oppressive culture.
- Keep your friends accountable, too! People may not be aware of how their language impacts violence. Gently pointing out violent or oppressive language from friends, partners, or acquaintances can create respectful and productive dialogue. Depending on the situation and comfort level, this may as simple as saying “hey, that’s not cool/funny,” or pulling them aside to talk later. It can also be powerful to ask others to identify any language that they think is violent, oppressive, or disrespectful from others.
- Stand up to oppressive “jokes.” Lately, my favorite way to do this has been simply saying, “I don’t get it… What do you mean?” The person telling the joke may have a hard time explaining!
- Use language to create a community of respect. For example, make an effort to honor the pronouns that a person chooses to go by, whatever they may be, or respect others’ agency by asking how they identify rather than making assumptions based on the way they look or act.
- Critically examine the media. For example, in a news story covering a sexual assault case, do reporters include unnecessary details — like what the victim/survivor was wearing, or their sexual history? How can phrasing affect the way the public — or the jury — perceives a crime? Overall, how does language affect the way we view the world?
- Educate yourself with some further reading! Here are some helpful articles to start with:
If you witness behavior that may cross a line into the territory of harassment or discrimination, check out UNC’s new policy for prohibited discrimination, harassment, and related misconduct for options and resources.
Recently, two large campaigns have been launched around the issue of violence prevention. The United Nations kicked off the HeforShe campaign, and the White Houses launched its own Its On Us initiative. These two projects are gaining a lot of print and social media buzz.
HeForShe is a UN-led global effort to engage men in violence prevention discourse and action. The project asks men to commit to the idea that “Gender equality is not only a women’s issue, it is a human rights issue that requires my participation. I commit to take action against all forms of violence and discrimination faced by women and girls.” (www.heforshe.org)

“Flag of the United Nations” by dirc, Flickr Creative Commons

“The White House” by Shubert Ciencia, Flickr Creative Commons
Its On Us is a White House-led nationwide campaign that focuses on reducing sexual violence on college campuses. The initiative asks people to pledge to “Recognize that non-consensual sex is sexual assault. To identify situations in which sexual assault may occur. To intervene in situations where consent has not or cannot be given. And to create an environment in which sexual assault is unacceptable and survivors are supported.” (www.itsonus.org)
Both campaigns mentioned have used celebrity star power to push their messages forward. The UN brought in Emma Watson of Harry Potter fame, and the White House has a long list of celebs including Kerry Washington, Jon Hamm, and President Obama himself. I hope this increased media attention will allow campaigns like these to bring a greater awareness, and a more active resistance, to all forms of violence.

“UN Women’s HeForShe Campaign Special Event” by UN Women, Flickr Creative Commons
Additionally, it is both refreshing and reassuring to see campaigns directly (HeForShe) and indirectly (Its On Us) challenge men to be accountable for the violent patriarchal society we live in. That being said, I hope they continue to push for men’s active participation in violence prevention, men’s active resistance to violent masculinity, and men’s active deconstruction of male privilege. The latter, privilege, is all too easy and convenient for men to forget.
Male privilege must be explored, re-explored, and actively resisted at both the individual and societal levels as we work toward true gender equity and violence prevention. Signing a pledge online is not good enough. Not even close. Those who identify toward the male-identified end of the gender spectrum, especially cisgender men, must be held accountable for the culture and society for which we have both greatly benefited from, and actively and passively constructed.

“International Women’s Day 2014: Equality for women is progress for all” by UN Women, Flickr Creative Commons
Although these campaigns are certainly are not perfect and could benefit from constructive criticism and more direct engagement from leaders in the movement, I am encouraged and cautiously excited to see them forming on such large and visible stages. That being said, as more men join this cause—which is fundamentally their responsibility—I hope we keep the conversation about privilege at the forefront. All too often men are over-praised and over-compensated for work they should have been doing in the first place and for work that women, and particularly women of color, have been doing for a long time without proper recognition.
A violence prevention movement with men engaged that does not actively resist and deconstruct male privilege is hollow and ineffective.
HeForShe and Its On Us are a step in a positive direction, but that does not mean we shouldn’t continue to challenge, build, and grow with them. Keeping the deconstruction of male privilege at the forefront is just one of several issues that should and already have been addressed. Some more issues include: How are these movements inclusive to the spectrum of genders outside of the false male-female binary? How are these movements acknowledging the tremendous and courageous work that has come before them? How are intersectionality and identity politics being infused into all of this anti-oppression work? And what about the male survivors of men’s violence—are their voices being heard and included?

UNC Men’s Project. Logo designed by Garrett Ivey.
Let’s continue the conversation and push for holistic, equitable, and authentic violence prevention. If you are a male-identified student and interested in these issues, consider applying to the UNC Men’s Project. The UNC Men’s Project is a campus-wide initiative to increase men’s involvement in gender equity and violence prevention through experiential learning, creative practice, and fellowship. You can find more information with the link below.
Applications are available online at www.uncmensproject.com and are due by Midnight on Friday, October 3rd
You might have heard about the latest “rape prevention” innovation. This time around it is nail polish that tests for date rape drugs such as Rohyphnol and GHB. Past innovations have included anti-rape underwear, coasters that test for GHB and Ketamine, and even anti-rape condoms. It seems every few months there is some new idea that gets a lot of media coverage as a successful innovation to stop rape. On one hand, these stories bring attention to sexual assault, which is a huge public health problem—1 in 5 college women experience sexual assault. Obviously we need lots of people talking about and working on this issue. However, this new nail polish follows a long line of past innovations that do not actually help to decrease rates of sexual assault.

Photo from facebook.com/Orly
There are many reasons I take issue with this nail polish—one of which is that the most common date rape drug is alcohol, which generally people know when they are consuming. Many perpetrators use alcohol to incapacitate their victims, and this new nail polish will not address the role of alcohol in sexual assaults.
The nail polish also raises a great deal of questions around responsibility and assumptions—Why should a woman have to pay for a product that sells itself as ensuring she won’t be assaulted? If I don’t wear the nail polish and I am drugged, does that make me at fault for being assaulted? What about men, who are also sexually assaulted and don’t generally wear nail polish? Will the guy who roofied the drink of one woman who was wearing the nail polish just try to do the same to another woman? What about the fact that the majority of rapists are someone the survivor knows?
These questions aside, the main issue I have with this nail polish is that it doesn’t tackle the root of the problem—which is that the onus of preventing rape should not be on the potential victim. To fight sexual violence, we need to teach people not to rape, rather than simply redirecting rapists to another person. We need to target the underlying reasons why people sexually assault others and take a community-wide approach to prevention, rather than an individual approach.
So this leads us to the question of “What is sexual violence prevention then?” Sexual violence prevention means several things. First, it means teaching about what consent is and isn’t. Everyone should be able to define consent and feel comfortable asking for consent. This education should begin early so everyone has the same baseline and knows what sexual violence and consent looks like. In addition to teaching about consent, there is also bystander intervention, which trains people how to be active bystanders and safely intervene in situations where they are worried about a possible assault. Bystander intervention has been proven to be successful, and UNC’s One Act program has adopted this approach to teach students how to be active bystanders. This includes learning how to observe, assess, act, and follow up when someone sees a situation and is concerned about interpersonal violence taking place. To learn more about One Act and sign up for trainings, visit the One Act website and learn how to help prevent sexual violence.
I am tired of “innovations” that tell me what I should do to avoid sexual assault. While I believe that the four men who created this new nail polish have good intentions, they should have looked at the research and created an intervention that actually decreases the number of sexual assaults, rather than create a product that enables them to profit from a woman’s fear of being assaulted. We need to move away from all these so-called “prevention innovations” that wrongly place the burden of prevention on potential victims, and implement actual evidence-based sexual violence prevention programs like One Act that work.
Find more information on prevention programs at UNC and when you can get trained here!
Welcome (back) to Carolina! It’s a brand new year with new classes, new opportunities, and possibly new friends. Maybe you’re ready to hit the ground running or maybe you’re a bit anxious about all of these changes. Either way, Student Wellness is here to help you find your way. Specifically, we want to make sure that you know what resources are available and nearest to you for two reasons:
- If you know where helpful resources are NOW, then in times of need, you’ll know exactly where to go (or where to direct your friends)!
- We want you to become familiar with what resources this fantastic campus has to offer. I can tell you from personal experience that I WISH I knew these places existed, and I found out about them…4 years too late!

image from 5kmissionpossible.com
It’s time to WIN PRIZES! Here’s how to play:
- Below you’ll find some of my favorite Carolina hotspots, split up by location.
- Visit at least 1 spot in each location category (South Campus, Bell Tower, Old Well)
- Take a selfie in front of the building or sign or whatever is accessible for you.
- Post that photo to Instagram or to the Tar Heel Wellness Challenge Facebook Page with #THWC for a chance to win a $20.00 gift card for UNC Student Stores!
- Come visit us at Student Wellness Services on the 2nd floor of the Campus Health (James A. Taylor) building, show us your pics, and EVERY PERSON will leave with a prize – whether it’s a pair of rockin’ sunglasses, a sweet notebook, or a surprise!
Jani’s Favorite Campus Hotspots
Visit each center’s website for some great online resources!

image from housing.unc.edu
Near the South Campus Dorms…
The Learning Center
SASB North
This center has a great supportive environment. They connect you with peer tutors, academic coaches, study groups, and learning disability and accessibility resources. They can also help you out with test prep!
The Writing Center
SASB North
Folks at this center edit and proofread papers and even help develop your unorganized thoughts into a full essay. They send a notice to your professor to let them know you’re taking advantage of their resource, you really care about the work, and you take it seriously. In my experience, this really helped boost my grades.
LGBTQ Center
SASB North
This is a wonderful place to meet great people. The center also has a resource library and a cozy, safer space to relax in. You do not have to identify as gay, queer, bisexual, etc. to enjoy this space!
Accessibility Resources and Services
SASB North
This center hooks you up with alternative testing conditions, provides assistive listening devices, provides means of alternative format course textbooks, and more. As someone who gets panic attacks and an increase in my anxiety in high-stress situations, I wish I took advantage of these services as an undergrad. You can BET I’m going to as a graduate student!
Rams Head Rec Center
Near Morrison and Rams Head Dining Center
This gym has group classes throughout the day, exercise equipment, and a climbing wall.
Tip: To get from South Campus (first-year dorms) to Mid Campus (classes) the fastest – walk to Morrison, find the path that starts behind the dumpsters and goes through a wooded area. The path exits at the Campus Health Building (James A. Taylor Building)!

image from unc.edu
Near the Bell Tower…
Women’s Center
Stone Center
This is a great place to chat and connect with people who are passionate about gender equity work. There are also tons of interesting classes, lectures, and performances hosted here throughout the semester.
Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS)
3rd floor of Campus Health Building (James A. Taylor Building)
CAPS offers a range of mental health services from 1-on-1 counseling to group therapy.
Campus Health Services
1st floor of Campus Health Building (James A. Taylor Building)
Feeling under the weather? See a doctor at CHS for free. You can also visit CHS for anything from a pelvic exam to immunizations.
Healthy Heels Shoppe
Basement of Campus Health Building (James A. Taylor Building)
Get everything you need from prescription refills to popular over-the-counter meds and nutrition bars.
Student Wellness Services
2nd floor of Campus Health Building (James A. Taylor Building)
This is the greatest spot on campus 😉 But for real – we offer a supportive, safer, and non-judgmental environment for conversations around health and well-being. We connect you to peer education groups, campus student groups and resources, or trained staff that can discuss an array of topics from HIV testing to microaggressions to decision-making to active bystander skills.
Student Rec Center
Near Student Stores, the Football Stadium, on Stadium Drive
This is another gym on campus that has fun group classes and equipment. It’s very easy to stop by between classes.
The Study Abroad Office
FedEx Global Education Center, up McCauley Street
The building itself is awesome with a lovely café and cozy study spots throughout. Advisors connect you to programs around the world depending on your interests, major, and goals. They’ll also work with you on how to transfer classes back to UNC for course credit. For example, I learned how to pick classes strategically at Dublin City University in Dublin, Ireland to count towards my Environmental Sciences and Engineering BSPH degree. I ended up not having to take some required courses at UNC and was able to take some fun electives my senior year.

image from unc.edu
Near the Old Well…
Academic Advising
Steele Building, Near South Building and Saunders Hall
Do you have a hold on class registration because you haven’t seen your academic advisor? I suggest you visit advising on a regular basis, not just before registering for classes!
Career Services
Hanes Hall (NOT HANES ART CENTER!), across from Saunders, near Carroll Hall (School of Journalism and Mass Communication)
Don’t wait until senior year. This is a great place to come chat about your passions and they’ll help connect you with jobs and internships throughout your time at UNC to figure out what you like and don’t like.
The Office of Scholarship and Student Aid
Pettigrew Hall, North Campus across from the Franklin Street Post Office
Whether you’re an undergraduate or professional student, you can visit walk-in hours to ask advisors financial questions or to get info about financial aid and scholarship options.
SO, start clicking away, snap some pics, and get hashtaggin’! I hope to see you all in our office soon J
Jani
English is my third language. There are times when my choice of words, or diction, gives me away as a foreigner more than does my accent. Part of learning a language is the process of embodying and owning the meaning of words. To me, this process is the art of diction; writing and speaking words that fit your personality, style, and identity.
When I started learning about interpersonal violence (IPV) during college, “victim” was the common term to refer to those who had experienced IPV. Over the past 10 years I have noticed a new trend with “survivor” becoming the preferred choice for many. You can find many blogs and statements online made about why we should call people “survivors,” and not “victims.” These arguments are relatively new to me, so I decided to write about my findings and thoughts on this particular choice of words. First, let’s review the dictionary definitions:
Survivor: “a person who copes well with difficulties in their life” Oxford; “someone who continues to function or prosper despite [difficulties]” Merriam-Webster.
Victim: “a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action” Oxford; “a person who has been attacked, injured, robbed, or killed by someone else; someone or something that is harmed by an unpleasant event (such as illness or accident)” Merriam-Webster.
As an affected person myself, I feel that both of these terms apply to me. I accept that I have been harmed by an unpleasant event. I also cope with it, and would like to believe that I am functioning and prospering despite what happened. So why do we feel so strongly about calling us “survivors” only? It certainly has a positive and optimistic sound to it.
The arguments that I find over and over again is that “victim” implies passivity and a sense of being stuck whereas the word “survivor” is empowering and implies resilience and strength. I don’t disagree with these arguments, but could there be times when identifying as a “victim” is more appropriate?
I hope we can all agree that each person should be able to decide how they want to identify, and that we should respect that decision. Talking to others who have experienced IPV and reading stories online, it seems that at least some of us feel that we are, or at least have been, also “victims.” Something did happen to us. It took me years to learn how to face that it happened, face my perpetrator, and learn to move forward with my life despite the pain. From what I know, some of us are not as fortunate; some of us never move on.
For those who make a transition between identifying as a “victim” and then as a “survivor,” this process may take a long time; this means some of us may identify as “victims” for years. And that should be okay too. Additionally, if I wanted to pursue criminal charges against my perpetrator, I think I would want my lawyer to use the word “victim” rather than “survivor” in front of a jury.
At this point in my life, I mostly identify as a “survivor,” and I am proud of it. I feel that we need to be careful about telling others to call people who experience IPV one word or another, even if the intention behind it is good. There is a time and a place for each word, and it should be that person’s choice. It is important to let people who experience IPV know that others will use these words to describe them, what the words mean, and ask how they would like to be identified.
We all want to see people who experience IPV be “survivors” and move forward, but it is a process and it takes time. To ensure inclusiveness, I prefer documents that use “victim/survivor” instead of just one or the other.
For information on IPV and resources, visit www.safe.unc.edu
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